After the 57th Expedition
by JesikaSpears
Summary: Tragedy struck on the 57th expedition. Eren is tormented by the events and guilt overwhelms him.


Everything had gone wrong. Petra, Gunther…the entirety of Levi's Squad were…gone. Because he trusted them. _'Because I trusted them, they're dead. If I had just…believed in myself none of this would have happened. I could have saved them! I could have…'_

Eren Jaeger sat in the dining hall of the Survey Corp's castle base, alone. To think that just the night before he had been surrounded by his…yes, in the end he could call them friends. They had earned his full trust, something that ultimately cost them their lives. The new recruit dug his fingers into the wood of the table, making them bleed as the wood splintered and pierced the soft, fleshy tips.

Nothing but regret came from the 57th Expedition beyond the walls. Regret, pain, and death. Of course, these things were to be expected. But never, never to this extent. ' _If I hadn't been such a weakling they would have lived.'_

Eren gritted his teeth and slammed his fist down onto the table, letting the sound crack through the room. The skin of his knuckles peeled back, specks of blood staining his hand and the soft grain of the wood. No, it was not entirely his fault. The Female Titan and whoever was inside it was also to blame! What person was so sadistic, so psychopathic to try to bring an end to humanity? Whoever it was, they would not get away the next time. _'No…I will rip them to shreds for what they did!'_

Salty tears ran down Eren's cheeks and dripped onto the dark wood of the table. _'Tears are weak,'_ he thought, biting his lip until blood mixed with the tears. He pushed his hands into his hair, tearing at it roughly and throwing his head back. Wall Maria, his home… _'Why do I have to think of this now?'_

He saw his mother, helpless as a newborn babe as the Titan lifted her to its ugly, gaping mouth. It was his weakness that had condemned her then. He thought he had grown stronger, strong enough not to lose anyone else, strong enough to destroy the Titans. But now there was more blood on his hands and it was drowning him.

"What are you sniveling about?"

"You should know," Eren said, his voice choked from the tears that he now tried to hide as the ever stoic Captain Levi entered the room. He hid his injury well, showing only the slightest limp from his broken ankle. The man didn't seem to ever feel pain, physical or otherwise. Either he hid it very well or something had snapped long ago in the deep recesses of his mind.

Levi arched an eyebrow, looking over the tear and blood stained boy. The idiot should have known by then not to have such sass. Though he could fathom why he would be such a wreck. His first trip outside the walls had ended in nothing short of a disaster and, had he been a few years younger, Levi would be in the same state over the loss of his squad. The image of their mangled bodies strewn across the forest floor still held prominence in his mind.

"It is about everything that happened today, move on," he said, leaning against the eastern wall of the room, across from Eren. "Sobbing like a child will not bring them back, nor would it honor their memory. You need to focus on the present, Jaeger."

"…how can you say something like that?" Eren said, his voice low and gravely. "You lost your entire squad and you won't even take a minute to mourn their loss?" He got to his feet and clenched his fists, nails cutting deep into his flesh. "How can you call yourself a human?!" he cried and lunged at Levi, swinging a fist at the other.

Levi raised a hand and caught Eren's hand mid swing, the recoil not budging him in the slightest. He stared at Eren, whose chest heaved as he struggled to control his breath which came out in hot blasts against Levi's face, so close were the two in proximity.

"Idiot. What possessed you to think that was a good idea?" Levi flipped him around and pressed him against the wall, one hand still grasping Eren's fist, the other keeping hold of the other's shirt. "Do you believe that more violence is the answer?"

"I don't understand…how you don't feel anything." Eren's body shook as the tears returned. "I have looked up to you for years, only to find the man I thought was the shining example of humanity, the best we have to offer, is nothing more than a manipulative bastard that sends his men to die with no second thoughts."

A brief silence was shattered by flesh connecting with flash as Levi's hand passed across Eren's face. Nothing obvious had changed about Levi's demeanor…but…something was off. His eyes lacked their familiar glint and had become dull and cold as rock. Eren touched a nerve that was hidden far away and broke what restraint Levi had been keeping.

"Do you have anything else to day, Jaeger? Or has common sense suddenly been bestowed upon you to shut your ignorant mouth?"

Eren said not a word. If he did, he would yell again and receive another blow, he had not doubt about that. But his point stood firm in his mind; Levi was heartless. He felt nothing for anyone and cared only for his own fame and well-being. Everything he had seen thus far was evidence to this.

"Well?"

"No."

Levi dropped the boy, letting him slump against the wall. He regarded Eren for a moment, looking him up and down. He had guts and ambition…perhaps far too much for his own good. It would get him killed one day.

He was also wrong. Levi was not heartless. He did pity Eren and he did mourn the loss of his squad and regret the loss of the many new recruits who died on the 57th expedition beyond the walls. Affection was not his strong suit, but perhaps for this boy he could try.

Levi grasped Eren's chin and lifted his head so their eyes met. Less than a moment passed before their lips were pressed against each other, a soft kiss shared between the pair. Eren was frozen with surprise, his eyes wide and his cheek flushed red as he stood there, rigid.

This connection ended after several seconds. Levi pulled Eren fully to his feet and looked him in the eyes, his gaze not wavering.

"Move on. That is what the rest of us must do. You are no exception."

With that phrase he let go of Eren and walked out of the room, leaving him in a stupor, wondering what had just happened.


End file.
